Change is Possible

Our brains make sense The more we learn about the workings of the brain, the more clear it becomes that all of us, no matter how annoying, dysfunctional, self defeating or even destructive our behavior is, are doing the best we can with the experience of the world that we have.

Even before we are born, our brains are working hard to find a way to help us survive and stay safe. As infants we are utterly dependent on the health and good will of our caregivers and we will be whoever it is that optimizes our chances of survival. Infancy is also the time that our brains are developing the most rapidly. So it is this time, before language, before conscious awareness of ourselves as distinct from our caregivers, that the structure of our emotional brain is established.

Understanding the family system in which we were conceived and that in which we grew and developed is the key to understanding the thinking and emotional patterns that we live with today.

While our infant experience is primary, it is also true that powerful emotional experiences that we undergo later in our lives, especially trauma, profoundly impact our brains and the way we experience the world.

Our brains can change As daunting as it can be to recognize that the past, especially the past that we aren’t able to consciously remember, is behind many of our behaviors. There is good news – our brains are neuroplastic, that is, they can change. New neuropathways can form. Old ones can be abandoned. Traumatic memories can be processed in a way that their ability to control us is lessened.

When we change our brain, everything changes. Our behavior changes; our capacity to love and be loved changes; and, our ability to experience joy changes.

We need help to change What enables us to encounter and shift our emotional past is a new emotional experience in our present, one of resonance.

When we sit with another human being and allow them to share our emotional experience of the world and they hold that without judgement or attempting to fix things but with acceptance and deep compassion, that is resonance and that is the place where growth and change are possible.

When I work with clients, connecting with them and holding them in their experience is always the primary objective. It is what enlivens the process, to come to that place of resonance, where we can locate the emotional core that is behind the pain or trouble and allow ourselves to hold it with deepest love and acceptance, together.

When the warmth of resonance shines on the deep recesses of our soul where we have suppressed, hidden and compelled our pain, it seems less scary, more approachable. With support, we can make peace with and even accept our pain. It lessens bit by bit, becomes more a part of us and all the energy we were using to keep it suppressed and contained becomes available for living and loving.